Welcome to Brokeback Yoga aka chronicle of my broken back or how to survive a broken back, thrive despite chronic sacroiliac sprain and have a long term (over 2 decades now!) primarily Iyengar yoga practice that has been a foundational piece of my recovery and pain management.
This blog is my record of what it means to break your back and walk away, literally. It's also documentation of my own svadhyaya (self-study) of how this injury affects my yoga practice and overall alignment. I hope it will be useful to other yogis in understanding what it actually means to my body mechanics to have so badly sprained the SI ligaments in my pelvis.
It took me over 30 years to understand why my body is so antithetical to many of even the most rigorous therapeutic yoga and physical therapy doctrine. Much of the alignment principles that are applied to the general population are inverted in my pelvis and hips due to my injury. This has affected my entire body and has led to some very scary moments along the way. So I'm documenting here to share my understanding of how this injury impacted my physical body as well as its impact on my holistic body. I'll touch on other complicating dis-ease states as they affected me, including autoimmune hyperthyroidism (Graves disease), the discovery of a large (6 x 9cm) posteriorly positioned submucosal fibroid in 2014 & subsequent laprascopic myomectomy, as well as the more social/emotional/psychological impact. I'll touch on the work of those who have influenced me and my thinking as well as my practice. I hope others can learn from my experience.
In addition this blog will serve as my gratitude practice for having walked away from this early misadventure and found so much relief and growth in my decades-long yoga practice!
Om shanti shanti shanti
This blog is my record of what it means to break your back and walk away, literally. It's also documentation of my own svadhyaya (self-study) of how this injury affects my yoga practice and overall alignment. I hope it will be useful to other yogis in understanding what it actually means to my body mechanics to have so badly sprained the SI ligaments in my pelvis.
It took me over 30 years to understand why my body is so antithetical to many of even the most rigorous therapeutic yoga and physical therapy doctrine. Much of the alignment principles that are applied to the general population are inverted in my pelvis and hips due to my injury. This has affected my entire body and has led to some very scary moments along the way. So I'm documenting here to share my understanding of how this injury impacted my physical body as well as its impact on my holistic body. I'll touch on other complicating dis-ease states as they affected me, including autoimmune hyperthyroidism (Graves disease), the discovery of a large (6 x 9cm) posteriorly positioned submucosal fibroid in 2014 & subsequent laprascopic myomectomy, as well as the more social/emotional/psychological impact. I'll touch on the work of those who have influenced me and my thinking as well as my practice. I hope others can learn from my experience.
In addition this blog will serve as my gratitude practice for having walked away from this early misadventure and found so much relief and growth in my decades-long yoga practice!
Om shanti shanti shanti
Basic facts:
On a fateful day in 1984 at the ripe old age of 14 I went off a horse while riding. I managed to fracture L4 and L5 and I was lucky enough to (eventually) limp/walk away. I’ve lived with variations on chronic back pain ever since.
The sequence of events:
1. I went horseback riding without bridle and saddle with a friend, mellow stuff out in the pasture with lead ropes and bareback. We were practicing walking the horses next to one another.
2. Unexpectedly both horses spooked and "spun on a dime" as they say...
3. I lost my seat and jumped off rather than be trampled. Note: I am most grateful to my early riding instructors for teaching me how to jump off and to fall rather than get dragged or trampled.
4. Hit the ground and was knocked unconscious.
5. I regained consciousness with no feeling or movement from the waist down. My body looked like a broken rag doll. My jeans were literally shredded apart at the front and side seams at the waist.
6. PANIC and FEAR set in.
7. My legs started spasming wildly and thrashing to and fro...
8. The PAIN hit me….and I regained control from the waist down!
9. After a while (I am unsure how long) I was able, with the help of my friend who had been riding with me, to roll over, get up and limp out of the paddock. I had to retrieve the horse and stable him as my friend couldn’t catch him. That bastard horse.
10. I explained away the limp to my babysitter as just a fall “I’ll be fine”. Parents were out of town, so I was able to mask and hide the situation.
11. I could barely move the next day but I managed well enough. I didn't mention the accident to anyone.
Thus began my life with a broken back. Three months later I finally told my mom about the injury because I was in chronic intense pain. Walking up the stairs in 9th grade with heavy books was more than I could manage at that point. I masked the pain until it became unbearable. (That’s another story entirely which belongs to another blog, regarding the body-mind connection and how psychology affects our physiology.)
The x-rays taken then showed 2 hairline fractures in my lowest lumbar vertebrae – L4 & L5. The MD told me to never ride again and gave me ibuprofen. Asshole.
I’ve been back in the saddle since then but the PTSD from this experience has weaned me from my need or desire to ride much anymore.
In my quest for pain relief I've tried pretty much everything I could think of
- painkillers incl. anti-inflammatories and anti-spasmodics
- physical therapy
- acupuncture (both TCM and more focused sports medicine acupuncture*)
- chiropractic*
- hatha yoga in particular Anusara* and Iyengar* yoga
- Ayurvedic medicine*
- Osteopathic manipulative medicine*
- Pilates*
- the Alexander technique*
- Rolfing *
- neuro-kinetic therapy*
- learning about the intersection between therapeutic yoga for Graves disease and lower back injury (or lack thereof!)
- learning about autoimmune disease and the neuro-musculoskeletal system
- learning about ACES
- tbd (I'll update as I remember what else)
This blog will be a log of the various attempts and what I've learned.
I have a high tolerance for pain apparently and this plays into a number of issues that presented along the way as well, including the psychology/physiology intersection, aka body-mind. More on all this as I start to file entries. I'll tag things as they relate to one of the modalities mentioned above. I'll also name names of practitioners and approaches that I recommend from my experiences.
Questions? Ask away. I'll answer honestly. I hope it'll help someone else out there moving forward.
Be well and Namasté
On a fateful day in 1984 at the ripe old age of 14 I went off a horse while riding. I managed to fracture L4 and L5 and I was lucky enough to (eventually) limp/walk away. I’ve lived with variations on chronic back pain ever since.
The sequence of events:
1. I went horseback riding without bridle and saddle with a friend, mellow stuff out in the pasture with lead ropes and bareback. We were practicing walking the horses next to one another.
2. Unexpectedly both horses spooked and "spun on a dime" as they say...
3. I lost my seat and jumped off rather than be trampled. Note: I am most grateful to my early riding instructors for teaching me how to jump off and to fall rather than get dragged or trampled.
4. Hit the ground and was knocked unconscious.
5. I regained consciousness with no feeling or movement from the waist down. My body looked like a broken rag doll. My jeans were literally shredded apart at the front and side seams at the waist.
6. PANIC and FEAR set in.
7. My legs started spasming wildly and thrashing to and fro...
8. The PAIN hit me….and I regained control from the waist down!
9. After a while (I am unsure how long) I was able, with the help of my friend who had been riding with me, to roll over, get up and limp out of the paddock. I had to retrieve the horse and stable him as my friend couldn’t catch him. That bastard horse.
10. I explained away the limp to my babysitter as just a fall “I’ll be fine”. Parents were out of town, so I was able to mask and hide the situation.
11. I could barely move the next day but I managed well enough. I didn't mention the accident to anyone.
Thus began my life with a broken back. Three months later I finally told my mom about the injury because I was in chronic intense pain. Walking up the stairs in 9th grade with heavy books was more than I could manage at that point. I masked the pain until it became unbearable. (That’s another story entirely which belongs to another blog, regarding the body-mind connection and how psychology affects our physiology.)
The x-rays taken then showed 2 hairline fractures in my lowest lumbar vertebrae – L4 & L5. The MD told me to never ride again and gave me ibuprofen. Asshole.
I’ve been back in the saddle since then but the PTSD from this experience has weaned me from my need or desire to ride much anymore.
In my quest for pain relief I've tried pretty much everything I could think of
- painkillers incl. anti-inflammatories and anti-spasmodics
- physical therapy
- acupuncture (both TCM and more focused sports medicine acupuncture*)
- chiropractic*
- hatha yoga in particular Anusara* and Iyengar* yoga
- Ayurvedic medicine*
- Osteopathic manipulative medicine*
- Pilates*
- the Alexander technique*
- Rolfing *
- neuro-kinetic therapy*
- learning about the intersection between therapeutic yoga for Graves disease and lower back injury (or lack thereof!)
- learning about autoimmune disease and the neuro-musculoskeletal system
- learning about ACES
- tbd (I'll update as I remember what else)
This blog will be a log of the various attempts and what I've learned.
I have a high tolerance for pain apparently and this plays into a number of issues that presented along the way as well, including the psychology/physiology intersection, aka body-mind. More on all this as I start to file entries. I'll tag things as they relate to one of the modalities mentioned above. I'll also name names of practitioners and approaches that I recommend from my experiences.
Questions? Ask away. I'll answer honestly. I hope it'll help someone else out there moving forward.
Be well and Namasté
